you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
You need Xanax blowdarts
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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