hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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