today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
