I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize