She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
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