I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
