i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
