i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
