You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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