GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
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