so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
