Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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