I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
