I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
