sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize