dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
