Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
