my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
