the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
