Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
