ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
