one two three fourrrrnication!
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
