alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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