U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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