final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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