like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
