i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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