Kiss
Puke
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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