Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize