Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
