My nipple is on Facebook.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize
