you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Fuck appropriateness.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
