dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
