I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize