Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
zippers are such a cool invention
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
