Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
