he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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