I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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