Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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