how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
