I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
