The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize