he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
