My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
