In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
