I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
