My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My life is pants optional.
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