Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Randomize
