we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
