i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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