Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
