Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
