I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
