Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Sponge bath it is.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
