took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
