tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
