you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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