We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
