Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
