i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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