I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
