You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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