I can't breathe out the right side of my face
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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