farters have to be the big spoon...
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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