last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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