All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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