Jerry, you need to find god
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
