one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
