How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
It's blow job season.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
