why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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