I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Randomize
