so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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