its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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