I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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