i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
