If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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