i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
