Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
