Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
