He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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