I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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