Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
