Joe is yelling at the trees again.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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