i don't like sucking hair
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
