I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
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