Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
