He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
