Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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