oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
