How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Randomize
