at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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