OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
she peed on how many people?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
