Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
