and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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