that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Can I color on your dick again?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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