If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
