pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I will be naked everywhere
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
