Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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