just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
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