Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
Randomize
