his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
