She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize