You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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