Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
