At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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