If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
