we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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