I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
