I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
The air taste purple.
Randomize
