I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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