It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
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